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This and That

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This and That Empty This and That

Post by Ranger-Nova Fri Nov 18, 2011 1:13 am

Title: This and That
Author: Ranger-Nova
Fandom: Buzz Lightyear of Star Command
Character(s) / Pairing(s): Too many characters to list. Pairings currently include Buzz/Ozma, and in future perhaps Mira/Romac.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 25, 105 (currently)
Warning(s): Chapter five leans more towards PG-13, as does ten. 16 is pretty sad, as is 22. Should later chapters be more intense, I may ask for this to be moved to the PG-13 section.
Disclaimer: BLoSC doesn't belong to me. If it did, I would have made sure there were more episodes and a proper finale! As far as I know, it and all the characters belong to Disney.
Summary: A series of oneshots, involving various characters.

Chapter 01: Dreams (Booser-centric)
Chapter 02: Regrets (Mira-centric)
Chapter 03: Family(XR, XL, Nebula)
Chapter 04: Why Her? (Buzz/Ozma)
Chapter 05: Just One of Those Days (Nebula, Buzz, Warp)
Chapter 06: Heroes (Buzz-centric)
Chapter 07: Mud and Ticks (Buzz, Warp, Ty)
Chapter 08: Disco (XR, Mira, Booster)
Chapter 09: Rebellious Princess (Mira-centric)
Chapter 10: Evil Begins (Evilyear-centric)
Chapter 11: Little Green Men (LGMs, Grubs)
Chapter 12: Scheming (Angstrom, Fop Doppler)
Chapter 13: Partners (Buster-centric)
Chapter 14: From Nice to Naughty (Buzz-centric)
Chapter 15: Tickled Pink (Buzz, Rocket)
Chapter 16: Loss (Mira, King Nova, Angstrom, Queen Nova)
Chapter 17: The Visit (Team Lightyear, Nana Lightyear, Zurg)
Chapter 18: Wardrobe Problem (Buzz, Mira)
Chapter 19: Masks (Zurg-centric)
Chapter 20: An Orphan Again (Savy, NOS)
Chapter 21: The Meeting (Buzz, Ozma, Nana Lightyear)
Chapter 22: Mourning (Nebula, Rangers)
Chapter 23: The Hood (Team Lightyear)
Chapter 24: Sick (Buzz, Nana Lightyear)
Chapter 25: Betrayal (Buzz, Warp)
Chapter 26: Captive (Mira, Chlorms)
Chapter 27: Memories (Team Lightyear, Nana Lightyear)
Chapter 28: Worth It (XR/42)
Chapter 29: Ingenious (Zurg, Brain Pods)
Chapter 30: The Price of Victory (Zurg-centric)
Chapter 31: Brothers (Rocket, Tundra, other Rangers)
Chapter 32: Discussions (Ozma, Zurg)

Not all the chapters are that great, so any suggestions you may have would be appreciated.

Also, if there's any character or moment from the series you'd like me to do a oneshot about, I'd be happy to oblige.


Last edited by Ranger-Nova on Thu Jul 05, 2012 3:45 pm; edited 8 times in total
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Post by Mira Nova Fri Nov 18, 2011 5:08 pm

Ohh Ranger Nova? XDD awesome ^^ i have a twin XD
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Post by Alexa Fri Nov 18, 2011 10:00 pm

I hope you don't mind, but when I read your fanfiction and saw that it only had one review, I took it upon myself to review every chapter since it was clear this one deserved more. Congratulations!

8D
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Post by Ranger-Nova Fri Nov 18, 2011 10:18 pm

Mind? I'm thrilled! Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. It's really encouraging.

And to Mira Nova: Hi! I'm guessing Mira's your favourite character as well?
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Post by Ranger-Nova Sat Nov 19, 2011 7:58 am

Okay, I just noticed that Nebula was in one of the Tag Team flashbacks, and had the peg leg. This sorta messes with my one chapter, but I have an explanation: The Tag Team memories were just that - memories. They couldn't have been the exact sensory information recorded by the implants, because they were in Buzz and Warp's heads, but you could SEE both Buzz and Warp. So I'm going to guess that they were just the memories of what happened, and so weren't entirely accurate. After all, if I am remembering an incident that happened several years ago, I think of imagine myself to be the same as I am now, even if I wasn't. So there's my explanation: Buzz was remembering the Comander as he is now, not as he was then. That would also explain why he hasn't aged.
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Post by Mira Nova Sat Nov 19, 2011 7:26 pm

Ranger-Nova wrote:
And to Mira Nova: Hi! I'm guessing Mira's your favourite character as well?
And yhup ^^ I seriously loove her character ^^ Wink btw welcome to the forum ^^
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Post by Ranger-Nova Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:05 pm

Okay, the next chapter is up (or at least it should be - FF.net sometimes takes awhile to upload them). It's got Buzz, Warp, AND Ty in it (just imagine if there'd been an episode with the three of them - the fangirls would have died from the awesomeness).

I'd like to know how I did with Ty's character - I haven't seen Wirewolf in awhile.
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Post by Alexa Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:45 pm

I left my review, so once FF.net posts it, I hope you enjoy it! I forgot to mention, I loved how Warp changed his story to be a "bright and sunny day". It's funny in two ways, one for the joke you intended, and one for the fact that Warp's story takes place in space where there is no weather!

But, on a constructive stand-point, I have to point out some punctuation errors that I didn't notice before. I'll use the second line in the most recent chapter as a reference:
"Our orders were to do a survey of this planet, Ranger, and that's what we're doing." Buzz chided him.

When the dialogue is a direct quotation, as it is in this example, and the final punctuation before the end quotation would normally be a period, it should actually be a comma:
"Our orders were to do a survey of this planet, Ranger, and that's what we're doing," Buzz chided him.

If the dialogue ends in a question mark or exclamation point, then don't worry about it.

I would have used the first line in this chapter as an example, but I wasn't sure if Warp was yawning what he said or if he yawned separately from the words. If the first, use a comma like I said.

I also have a suggestion for you... Try not to use the word "said" so often. Using a word too often can get tedious, and with a word like said, sometimes a synonym works better. This is the chart I use when I'm stumped for a synonym of said to use: http://writingfix.com/PDFs/Writing_Tools/said_synonyms.pdf Also, you don't need to phrase it as "said (insert character's name)" all the time. You are allowed to say "(character's name) said". I'm guilty of the opposite where I say the latter example all the time in my writing, but only because I think it flows better to have the subject before the verb in this type of case.

Note: in the "(character name) said" example, you would still use a comma in place of the final period:
"Okay, if you two don't shut up, I think I'm going to drown myself in the mud," Ty said. (I would personally use a said synonym there, but maybe that's just me. But, would it sound better if "Ty threatened"? (or, "threatened Ty".))
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Post by Ranger-Nova Sun Nov 20, 2011 12:52 am

Thanks for th input, ab103! I know what you mean about the saids. In fact, when I was writing it, I tried to avoid using the word as much as possible, but somehow I could never think of anything else. Thanks so much for the link! It should be really helpful.

And in an original fiction work I'm doing, I tend to have "so-and so said." all the time. Hopefully that link you gave me can help there as well.

And as for the commas, I actually didn't know I was supposed to use one there. I still tend to get mixed up with where commas should be used at the end of dialogue and where they shouldn't. I'll try to put them in the right places in future, though I still probably get them mixed around a bit.

Once again, thank you for the review. It's actually nice to get some constructive criticism for a change - not that I don't LOVE praise, but it doesn't really help me improve. Smile
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Post by Alexa Sun Nov 20, 2011 11:32 am

I'm just sorry that you had to read through six paragraphs or so just for me to make two points. XD I dunno, when depending on where I'm giving my suggestions, I tend to be long-winded the first time or so. I guess just so I can make sure the person knows WHY it should be like that so they know not to make the mistake again. I was actually going to put it in my review, but once I saw how long it was getting, I decided to put it here.

Anyway, it really is a good story, which is why I wanted to make sure you didn't make simple mistakes like that. Of course, there's always room for improvement, but anyway... <3

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Post by Mod Sun Nov 20, 2011 12:00 pm

Welcome to the forum, Ranger! I've read your story, and it looks awesome!

I read up on the latest chapter on Buzz, Warp and Ty, and I liked it, but I do have some constructive criticism for it.

Pretty much what ab103 said, but I also have some constructive criticism for Ty's character. I love that you incorporated his sarcasm into his personality, (kudos!) but it seems to me like that's all he is, making him seem one-dimensional, if you will. I mean, I know his sarcasm is part of who he is, but that is not all who he is. He can be very compassionate and concerned for other people, and he can even be a bit of a sober person.

Ty: I wouldn't say all of that. I can also be very humble and-
Me: Hey, don't push your luck, Ty! You're still a big moptop!
Ty: Rolling Eyes Whatever!

Sorry about that. Ty has become my muse, and he likes to bother me every now and then. xD

Anywho, I hope that helps with your writing! If I sounded too picky, I apologize in advance. :/
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Post by Ranger-Nova Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:35 pm

Don't worry about it, I enjoy criticism so long as it's constructive. I actually was wondering if I did alright with Ty - I probably should have watched Wirewolf before writing that. If I do another one with him (which I probably will at one point) I'll be sure to watch Wirewolf to get his character down better. Anyhow, I'm off to post another chapter.
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Post by Alexa Thu Nov 24, 2011 8:54 pm

I left my review on the newest chapter, and I put my con-crit there this time, since I managed to condense it. It's really hard for me to explain stylistic things, especially since I'm still learning myself, but "show, don't tell" is something that should help flesh out your work. (Note: The only reason I'm able to say this is because Steel recently brought the concept back into my attention. XD Otherwise, I'd probably wouldn't be able to tell you what to look up).

The following seems to be a good site to explain showing and not telling: http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/creative1/showing/ (I didn't go through the entire thing, so I hope the parts I didn't read are good. Sorry if it isn't.)

There is also an article (albeit, short) on Wikipedia here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Show,_don%27t_tell

Also, now that I look back on it, I realize how much dialogue there was in comparison to actual action. That is also part of the detail I was craving, the lack of action to add the thickening agent to the otherwise watery soup of dialogue.

Other than that, I see that you took mind of my previous comments. However, I'll point out this part:
"Naw, not yet anyway. We need you three to answer if anyone hails us." grinned the lead smuggler.

Since you're using "grinned" as an action to explain how he spoke, that period before the end quotation should be a comma. Basically, an easy way to remember is this: If the action after the dialogue can be written with a lower-case and still provide it's same meaning, then make the period a comma.

For example: "Wonderful," XR (which can be written as "he") sighed. / "Wonderful," smirked the traveler (or, "the traveler smirked).

This: " "Alright, alright." XR faced the crowd. " is correct because XR's actions do not affect the dialogue and would change it's meaning if it were "Alright, alright," XR faced the crowd. See?

Just to let you know, my specialty is grammar (and word usage, occasionally) correction, so that's why you won't get as much from me on how to help you add more detail. XD Sorry.
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Post by Ranger-Nova Thu Nov 24, 2011 10:32 pm

Thanks for the review! I've been trying to add the commas in all the right places, but I see I missed one. Darn.

As for showing not telling, you're quite right, and it's something I've been working on quite a bit, but it somehow slipped my mind entirely when writing this chapter (and some of the others as well). I do have one tiny excuse, which is that I wrote this during a power failure, and I was rushing to get it done before my laptop's battery went dead. I probably should have done some rewriting once the power was back. Oh well, I do plan on one day coming back and touching up these chapters, so I'll definitely add more detail then.

Thank you so much for your reviews (and for the helpful links). If you have any ideas for a Mira fic, please tell me,'cause I really want to do one with her but can't think of anything (I hate writer's block!). Oh, you were right in your FF.net review, Mira was totally punishing XR.
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Post by Ranger-Nova Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:24 pm

Another (short) chapter is up!
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Post by Alexa Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:45 pm

Aaand, the only thing I can find wrong with this chapter is how short it is. XD Though, like I said in my review on FF.net, making it longer than you do would distract from the actual story.

Sorry I can't provide a more meaningful review this time, but I'm really distracted by the prospect of going out to eat right now. But, anyway, I hope to see more from you soon!
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Post by Ranger-Nova Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:49 pm

Thank you! Hopefully now that my writer's block has disappeared (I've been very prolific this past week - just not really with BLoSC) I can write some nice, long chapters. All I need now is for inspiration to strike.
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Post by Alexa Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:56 pm

Well, you don't need to take this idea, but...

A while back I read this comic: http://freefall.purrsia.com/zu/ffmuseum.gif

And I got to thinking (just now), what would happen if XR did something similar? Perhaps they're watching a movie that XR then decides to sell bootleg copies of. Or something, no clue. XD Sorry, again.
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Post by Ranger-Nova Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:03 pm

Hmm, interesting idea. It sounds like the sort of thing XR would do. I'll take it to the plot bunnies and see what they decide.
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Post by Ranger-Nova Fri Dec 02, 2011 6:18 am

Another chapter is up! It's a bit dark, so if anyone thinks this should be moved to the PG-13 section, I'm fine with that.
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Post by Ranger-Nova Sat Dec 03, 2011 12:44 am

I've just uploaded another chapter. My muse has been very active lately. Smile
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Post by Ranger-Nova Thu Dec 08, 2011 8:37 pm

I've been so busy this last week (still haven't done that Root of Evil Transcript - ugh) so I haven't had time to do much writing, but I did do a little (VERY little) chapter. It should be up on FF.net now.
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Post by Alexa Thu Dec 08, 2011 8:57 pm

Well, I left my reviews as per usual. I don't think the most recent one posted yet, but you'll see it soon (I hope).

I really love your chapters about the Tangeans... Though, as I typed that previous sentence, I realized that maybe you could write a chapter about Booster's parents! Maybe their thoughts on Booster becoming a Ranger and being on a team with THE Buzz Lightyear! Maybe a scene from Booster's childhood where he and his dad are pretending to be Space Rangers together!

I don't really know, it just came to me on the spot. XD
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Post by Ranger-Nova Thu Dec 08, 2011 11:15 pm

I tried to post this earlier, but it didn't seem to come through (I hope I didn't post in the wrong thread again):

I've been wanting to do a chapter about Booster, so that's a good idea. I'll rewatch Root of Evil, which will hopefully also give me the inspiration to do that transcript I've been putting off.

Anyway, thanks for the review!
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Post by Mod Thu Dec 08, 2011 11:55 pm

I just read up on the chapter, and I, too, like the interaction with the Tangeans. Nicely done!

You could also do something with Booster, his father, and Buster, playing Space Rangers and perhaps something to go on Buster's beginning of jealousy when Booster's accepted to go to the Space Ranger Academy. Just a thought!
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