Safety First

97. Safety First

“C'mon, Lightyear! We don't have time for this!”

“Darkmatter, we always have time for safety. Now, who wants to go first?”

A myriad of tiny arms shot into the air and waved like mad, children of all shapes, sizes, and origins clamouring to be the loudest one. It was like a sea of angry fish, except these little guppies were much more energetic and brimming with enthusiasm. Who could make sense out of all this uncontrollable excitement?

“Ooh, ooh, pick me!”

“No, me, me!”

“Can I go first, pretty please?”

The two adult men at the front of the group remained steadfast against the tide, and while one shook his head hopelessly the other was just contained with an uncanny amount of optimism.

“At ease there, future Space Rangers. You'll all get a chance to hold the training blaster.” It was none other than Buzz Lightyear, the pride of Star Command, and along his side was his trustee and faithful, Warp Darkmatter. Both were in their youth, and the men had never looked better.

“Just give them the training blaster, Lightyear.” Warp had always been short on patience and the blue-hued man was just eager to get this community service over and done with. Leave it to Lightyear to sign them both up for an early morning assembly down at some local school. Sigh. There were times Warp had really wished his partner was someone else.

But Buzz was the ever diligent, the ever confident, and he chuckled at his partner's lack of interest. “You should be more like these eager children, Warp.” He stated to the grumbling man. “They're ecstatic to be up bright and early, and so should you. The earlier you rise, the more you can accomplish throughout the day!”

“Whatever.” Warp was sure to keep that mumble out of earshot while his partner continued to entertain the little beasts.

Turning to the children Buzz patted the air, still smiling, and eventually relented. He bent down to hand the closest child the training blaster (something completely harmless) and began to prepare what he thought was a very important life lesson. “Now, who can tell me why we have armed weapons.” He asked, hands upon his hips.

Warp just only shook his head, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “This outta be good...”

Almost immediately the children spoke up, furiously answering what they thought had been the answer. They may not have been the right answers, but that was okay! Buzz liked a little diversity now and then.

“To kill bad guys like the Evil Emperor Zurg!”

“So we can beat up weaklings!”

“My dad uses guns to steal money from people so we can have nice things!”

Not the answers Buzz had been expecting, and he expressed hesitation while glancing at the shrugging schoolyard teacher. Warp, on the other hand, was just outright laughing his heart out, the man bending over to hold his sides and slap a leg.

“Just look at your face, Lightyear!” He continued to guffaw, tears streaking down his face as he tried to contain himself. It was no use and he only cackled harder. “Priceless! It's just priceless!”

“I don't find anything funny, Darkmatter.” Aw, now look. Buzz was starting to get stern, perhaps because the answers from the children weren't what he was expecting at all. Warp knew the signs, he could dig it.

Darkmatter only snapped his fingers and straightened out, giving a quick shrug. “It's Tradeworld, Buzz. What do you honestly expect?” But seeing as Buzz wasn't completely persuaded, Warp sighed again with a tired roll of his eyes. “Look, Buzz. Most people here are either trained or raised to view weapons as a means to get up in the world – well, at least this one. They're not gonna be concerned with safety and regulation! C'mon, that's for sissies who need government assistance to avoid getting mugged, or something.” He ended with a mutter, clearly more street-wise and quick to defend the logic.

Again, Buzz didn't give up and he refused to allow that kind of thinking to tarnish the innocence of childhood. “Be that as it may, Warp.” He started up, slowly reforming his smile. “I think a little safety and regulation will do these children some good! Okay, listen up, people!” The rookie snapped to and addressed the kids, getting them to stop giggling and pretending to shoot each other. Now that he had their full, undivided attention Buzz was free to do what he liked best: to educate. “Since so many of you are under the impression that having a weapon is a means to either: A) get ahead in life, or B) bully others, I'm going to set you all straight as a ruler in my 3rd grade's mathematics class.” He chuckled as he briefly recalled some fond childhood memories. “How many of you actually know how to use a weapon.”

The children suddenly stopped, looking at one another with confused eyes and doubtful expressions. None of them could actually use a weapon, now that they thought about it.

“Anyone. Anyone at all.” Buzz looked around and had his answer, the children deathly silent. “Alright, well, any of you wonder why that is, exactly? Go on. There are no wrong answers, just ignorant questions that can be corrected with a helping hand to set you onto the path of knowledge.”

After a while only one hand rose up, and Buzz called on them. “Yes, little Miss Quequy?”

A small girl, Quequy was a Cytaurian, her lower body like a small grazing animal's and her upper body like that of a humanoid. She had four legs, each with a hoof attached at the end, and her long tail flicked the air out of anxiety. “Well...” Quequy tried not to look down with her single eye, but she stood fast and fiddled with her fingers. That girl had character, Buzz knew it. “I don't know the right answer, but... I know that we don't have weapons in our home because they're dangerous. Mom and Dad don't want us accidentally harming someone.”

A very good answer, and Buzz felt progress inching along.

“Thank you for sharing your answer to the class, Quequy. Everyone, give your classmate a generous round of applause.”

All the children happily clapped at their peer at Buzz's request, and the little girl's face blushed a deep shade of sea green.

“Who else would like to go?” Buzz asked, eyes looking around. Another hand—well, a claw—and the child was called upon. Ah, a Tigeri! A furry one, but this kid also gave off the impression that he was a real leader. “Tikaal, go ahead and speak, you little rascal.”

“My people are proud hunters, our family ancestors in kills and hunts of great legend.” The young boy spoke up, whiskers twitching. Now that the spotlight was upon him many children admired his shiny coat, their eyes noticing his stripes for once. “That however said...” Tikaal then scuffled his uncovered feet in the ground, appearing uneasy. “My father and mother, too, say that a weapon is to be respected. It is not something to be taken lightly and many innocent lives are lost because people cannot understand the responsibility it takes to use one correctly.”

Aptly said and Buzz was starting to become impressed with his temporary students. “Also an excellent answer. Class, please show respect and give Tikaal an encouraging round of hands.”

More clapping and more hands raising up, the children no longer afraid or uncomfortable to speak their minds.

After five or six said similar things with their own personal touches, one child named Bilbul, a human child, addressed something others had not thought of before.

“Mister Lightyear.” Not a traditional human name, Bilbul had come from a human colony on the outskirts of free society, his parents leaving the world at the prospect of Valkyran raiders and other hostile forces moving in on the systems there.

Whereas his partner was starting to get glassy-eyed, no doubt wanting a fat nap, Buzz was absolutely loving this. He noticed Bilbul call out his name, and the rookie acknowledged him. “Go ahead, Bilbul. Add your two cents.”

Covered in freckles and a healthy crop of golden hair, Bilbul cleared his throat and composed himself. “If weapons are bad and evil, how come the law gets to carry them around and use them on others? How come bad guys like the thugs and gangs around here get to have weapons to bully us with and we don't?”

Ah, now that was a very interesting perspective on things. Buzz was going to have to take more consideration in answering this one.

“Everyone, I want you all to just realize what your classmate said and put on your thinking caps.” He told all the children, getting them to settle down and put on their imaginary thinking caps. “Bilbul just asked why people like me and Darkmatter, here, get to use weapons and people like ordinarily don't. I'll tell you.” Buzz then began to kneel down upon one leg and he placed his hands upon the shoulders of the two children closest to him. “It's because in a lawful, obedient society people like you don't need guns. Guns aren't the answer, communication and proper ethics are.”

“Ethics?” One child asked, perplexed. “What is... ethics?”

“Beats me.” Darkmatter grumbled, tuning in and then quickly out.

Buzz had himself a laugh this time and politely excused his partner. “Forgive my friend; he's got a warped sense of humour.” He winked.

“Very funny, Lightyear...”

Back to the question at hand, Buzz continued. “Ethics is when you make the right decision – the decision that is both morally and lawfully good. Take for instance someone bullying you and trying to take your lunch money. Picture it just for now.” The children all closed their eyes and tried to imagine, many struggling to not blurt out any names of the bullies within the class; there were a few, don't think Buzz didn't know who they were. Once he got them all to engage their imagination he then instructed them for the next step. “Now, picture yourself, too. Picture yourself watching the bully harass a fellow classmate, a friend. What will you do? What can you do?”

At this the children all made faces, coming to odds with their rational thinking that required more development. Most, if not all, of the children weren't entirely sure what would be right and what would be wrong, so a few needed a little nudge into the right direction.

“I... get an adult?”

“...Sit and watch?”

“Get a rock and knock the bully out?”

Again another wide range of perspectives, but Buzz would honour each one. “Each are valid responses to a naturally discomforting situation, but let me tell you what a member of the law would say.” The children prepared themselves for his answer, their eyes intense. “The law would say that you go and get an adult, someone who is capable to handle the situation so that you don't go and get yourself hurt. The law is very much the same way. The bad guys are bullies trying to harm innocent folk like you, and the teachers are the law. We hold the power and authority so that you all may be safe and sound in your beds at night. The law owns a weapon like Bilbul said so that we may confront the bad guys who also own a weapon. As Tikaal mentioned earlier there is great responsibility in owning a weapon and not everyone is prepared for it.”

The reasoning was solid enough for the children to grasp and they started to nod their heads at one another, getting the idea down.

“But how come nearly everyone owns a weapon on Tradeworld?” This time it was Maracutai who asked a question, the girl otherwise silent throughout the entire lesson so far. Of a bird-like specie, Maracutai had fine feathers and a sharp beak, her fingers semi-formed within a wing. “Why do people sell weapons if they are so dangerous?”

More nodding, and the children wanted to know the answer.

“Hm...” This time Buzz had to be careful in what he said, and he worded his answer both clearly and concisely. “In an ideal society people shouldn't even be handing out guns – weapons for that matter. People sell weapons, my young friends, because there are people out there who want weapons, but not just for the weapon itself, no.” The Space Ranger fresh out of the academy shook his head and gave an uncomfortable frown. “No, it's because the bullies desire the power and control over others, and because there are bullies the good folk like you buy weapons out of fear and protection. There's a huge difference, you see.”

So... Bullies used weapons to harm others and good people used weapons as a means of defense? The topic was a little more understandable now, and the children found themselves comprehending an otherwise deep and reflective concept.

Warp, on the other hand, was much more interested in the schoolyard teacher and he waggled his eyebrows once at her. Too bad he didn't get off his shift until six, and Lightyear wasn't going to let him go running off in the streets of Tradeworld. The man was a real bore at times.
Sigh.

The discussion about ethics went on for about another few minutes or so before it came to actually talking about the training blaster in question, and this made the children all very excited. Most, however, because of the recent talks were now hesitant instead of jubilant to hold the harmless mock-up, but Buzz was there for them.

“No need to fear the weapon, now! Don't be shy! As long as you respect it then you're doing A-OK.” With a thumbs up and more words of encouragement the children broke out from their shells and soared like the big boys in the sky, the safety lesson going better than intended. It did his heart well to see the eager, young future before his enormous feet critically thinking like responsible citizens and Buzz Lightyear felt he did good work today. Darn good work today.

Chuckling came from the Space Ranger's chest and Buzz watched the children happily, loving how they interacted with new meaning and reflections. “See, Warp?” He told his partner, smile broad upon his pleased face. “There is some good in the world. You just have to start it early. These kids will do mighty fine. Mighty fine.” Yes, sir. He was willing to bet his meager pay that these kids were going to have big and bright futures. Every single one of them.

But not Darkmatter. Darkmatter just wanted to get out of here and do something interesting – like a cruiser chase or rounding up some thugs. Babysitting just wasn't in his job description.

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Hey, listen, Lightyear.” Warp placed a gloved hand upon his partner's shoulder and nudged him. “We should go. We've already stayed well over the mandatory time allotment for our community service hours and we could be doing other things.” Like a cruiser chase or rounding up some thugs, which was in his job description.

A tired sigh escaped Buzz's throat but he didn't let his disappointment show too much. Instead, he turned slightly to his partner and shook his head. “Warp, Warp, Warp.” He started to lightly scold. “When are you going to learn that life isn't a race? There's no shame in taking enjoyment in the small things, like helping these children understand the world around them. As adults it is our moral duty to help guide and direct the youth of tomorrow onto a steady and productive future for everyone. A few hours of our time isn't going to kill us, Warp. It's not like we have any calls in the nearby area, as well.”

“Uh-huh. Save the spiel, partner.” Not this talk again. How many times was Lightyear going to go on about how children are today's future and blah blah blah who cares. Not Warp, that was certain. “I'm heading back to the cruiser. You can stay here if you want, but I'm needed elsewhere. See ya.”

Always racing off and trying to make it easier for himself... Buzz just bit the inside of his cheek a little and didn't voice his opinion. Always racing off... and the lecture wasn't even done yet!

Well, no use lingering on about that. He soon parted his lips into a grin and Buzz addressed the children for the other half of his important discussion. Warp could wait later. “Okay, future Space Rangers! Who wants to see how you disable a blaster like that one?”

More eager hands in the air, more beaming enthusiasm. Yes, it was going to be an educational day!

----------

“Just give up already, Lightyear. You're far outnumbered.”

Surrounded by heated ion cannons and an army of Zurg's deadly Hornet models, Buzz Lightyear kept his wrist ray primed and ready, the ever diligent man snapping his gaze back upon his old friend and partner, Warp Darkmatter. Here, the tides had turned. No longer were both men rookies back in their days, and instead they had gone their separate ways. Buzz Lightyear the path of good, and Warp Darkmatter the path of evil. It was kind of a shame.

“A Space Ranger doesn't know the meaning of the word, Warp. Section III, paragraph XVI.” He grinned to himself despite the staggering odds, proudly reciting directly from the Space Ranger Mission Manual.

Warp just rolled his eyes again and groaned. “Hornets... Please fry Buzz Lightyear so I don't have to listen to another one of his boring spiels. Thank you.”

Oh, now that was just harsh. Buzz's spiels weren't that bad!

Seeing the Hornets prepare their weapons and feeling the air grow heated by the charged ion particles, Buzz quickly shifted his eyes all around and prepared a plan. “Hm... Ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five Hornets.” He counted to himself. “I can take 'em.”

Pew! Pew! Pew!

The air was suddenly lit up with streaks of neon-green plasma, Hornets firing left and right without abandon while Buzz Lightyear was left dealing with the situation as best he knew: kicking metal plating to infinity and beyond. With a daring leap here, a dash over there Buzz Lightyear spun around on his heels like a disciplined dancer, the red glow of his wrist ray destroying robot after robot. He hopped left then right, jumped over their dim-witted craniums, and by the time two minutes had passed... the Space Ranger was the only one left standing and he dusted his hands with a hearty laugh. Metal parts and sparking wires were just littered everywhere.

“Heh, heh. The ol' Sentillian Fire-Snake routine.” He murmured to himself, surveying his work proudly. “Gets them every time. Wonder why Zurg hasn't programmed them to handle that, yet. Must be a budget issue.”

But meanwhile Warp was far from laughing and he instead slapped his face with his flesh hand. “Ugh, tell me about it...” How come the Hornets always fell for that? Anyway. Being the sneaky devil that he was, Warp took out a concealed plasma cannon and prepped it upon his shoulder, taking aim upon the smug hero. “Look, Lightyear. Whether you like it or not, this cargo now belongs to the Evil Emperor Zurg. Why don't you just move yourself out of the way, or better yet...” He smiled and prepared a charge, the barrel starting to whine and glow. “Why don't you just move yourself out of the way entirely.”

BOOM!

A powerful explosion rocked the cargo ship as Darkmatter's shot lobbed from the mammoth weapon, the super-heated volley splashing messily upon several bulks of indistinguishable cargo. Nothing stirred after that, and Warp stood up taller to admire all the smoke wafting upwards. Did he win? Was it finally over?

“Huh.” He scratched his head with a metal claw and shrugged. “That was easy. I thought for sure Lightyear would have – ?”

Tap, tap.

Naturally Warp turned around upon feeling a finger pester his shoulder, and the moment he did a fist was waiting to greet his pretty boy face. Terrific. The oldest trick in the book, and Warp fell for it. A classic. “Craters...”

Punch!

No need to go into details of how Warp spun on his feet and was sent careening onto the floor. His body hit the metal plates with a terrific heavy thud and the plasma cannon skittered noisily away by several feet. If anything was more wounded than his face it was his pride, and Warp shook his head only to grit his teeth angrily.

“You know...” He sighed out of aggravation. “Getting punched in the face by you is starting to get really old – I mean, really.” Not wanting to go down without a fight, Warp brought his head up and spotted the plasma cannon not to far away. Maybe if he could just...

Buzz just chuckled and quickly became all business. “And getting defeated by the good guys is also becoming really old, I imagine. You're not getting away this time, Warp. Not on my watch.” But Lightyear, too, had spotted the discarded weapon and he also noticed Warp eying it hungrily. Oh, definitely not on his watch, pal.

Almost at the same time, both men leaped for the firearm and a scuffle ensued. Fists met strong jawlines, feet kicked in low places, and there was even some rolling around but Warp would prove to be the victor this time around – he had always developed his muscles better than the more experienced Lightyear. With a strong shove the Space Ranger was thrown aside like yesterday's Hornet model and Darkmatter snatched up the plasma cannon immediately in one fluid roll.

“Aw, gee, Lightyear.” Warp gloated, his malevolent smile ear to ear as he crouched down with the business end pointing directly at Lightyear's stunned face. “Guess you weren't quick on the draw this time. I'll be sure to leave a piece of you in order to have a proper funeral. How's that, partner?”

There wasn't any time in the galaxy for Buzz to issue a proper counter, and Warp had already squeezed the tricker.

Click!

…......Silence.

What should have happened was Buzz Lightyear being disintegrated into mere molecules, but when that didn't happen Warp slowly felt his smirk fade away. What... What had just happened? Scowling, Warp squeezed again and prepared to see an explosion.

Click!

…......Nothing.

“Oh, terrific.” Warp mumbled, not believing his luck. “Stupid thing's probably jammed!” Oh, of all the days and times! Buzz was right where he wanted him! Why a jam now!?

Chuckling, this time coming from Buzz, and the Space Ranger stood up rather smugly with his hands upon his hips defiantly. “Always wanting to finish the race as fast as you could, isn't that right, Warp?” Oh, no. That lording over tone. Warp just wanted nothing more than to wipe that grin off of Lightyear's face. And the tone showed no signs of stopping, either. “It's not jammed, my deceptive friend. You really shouldn't have skipped out on my lecture all those years ago.”

What lecture?

Oh... Oh, don't tell him... Warp frantically darted his eyes onto the plasma cannon's safety and couldn't resist letting out a frustrated snarl. “Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me! The freaking safety is on!? How is the freaking safety on!?” Lightyear must have tapped the switch during the scuffle and let Warp have the weapon! Why that no good, smug – By the time Warp scrambled to get the cannon operational it was too late. Sounds of hasty feet reached through the halls and then into the loading zone as dozens of Space Rangers zeroed in on their location, their wrist rays winking red.

“FREEZE!” No way was Darkmatter going to be able to muscle his way through them all.

Warp dropped the weapon with a tired sigh and slowly rose onto his feet, weakly holding his hands over his head. “This is just one of those days, isn't it...?” He asked the invisible person in the ceiling.

“Heh, heh. Safety first, Darkmatter.” Now it was Buzz's turn to have every right and gloat, and the man signaled for the two Space Rangers at his sides. “Book 'em. We're all wrapped up here.”

Safety first, Darkmatter, safety first.